On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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