I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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