We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
