I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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