dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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