we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
