Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I touched a dick in church today
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
