I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
