Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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