She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
where are you?
Hypothermia
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
