why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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