can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Floor bacon is actually really good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize