Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
