friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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