He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
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