You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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