Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
