do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
