at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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