Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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