Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The best revenge is premature balding
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
