I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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