omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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