And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
