and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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