you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
