I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
