Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize