My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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