Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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