I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
