I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
