she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
