At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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