my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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