my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
