You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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