ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
