Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize