I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
