If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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