sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
