I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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