Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
