I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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