It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
