I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
