She's JV to your varsity
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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