He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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