We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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