it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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