OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
