checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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