i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says