I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.