Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.