i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.