he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.