Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
