Michael Bay diarrhea
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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