You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
