can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
