The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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