overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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