just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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